Yeah totally right on the "encouragement machine"... When I don't become his personal cheerleader, unconditional "I love you" over and over giver, mood booster, etc... then I am and I quote from past history: "disrespectful, cold-hearted, uncaring, mentally ill"... Sometimes I am just one, sometimes all.
I guess I'm upset that I got ruffled at all and I'm upset that I CARE that he thinks I am being uncaring right now.
No contact would really be a lot better for me I think. The SECOND I am around him my emotional center goes from stable to crazy... I didn't realize just how much I don't miss being around him until I was around him today. Amazing the difference a week can make.
And just think... if I hadn't gone out with my mom last week and he hadn't decided to drink last Fri night, I would still be doing the same dance... I am actually grateful at this point that the misery of last weekend occured bc I know without a doubt that being apart is absolutely, 200% the right decision for my girls and I.