Well, quite honestly, my RAXH might be in "recovery" and may be "attending meetings" but the quotation marks are very much called for (and I hate quotation marks). He probably thinks he's done step 9 by saying "I acted badly BUT..." and lately, he's back to telling me that I caused him to drink because I was such a b***h he couldn't handle life with me. (Which is why he desperately wants me back. You know. It all makes so much sense.)
I have been on the receiving end of amends from a RA coworker, who while still an active A would (inappropriately) make sexual advances toward me. He wrote me a letter and asked if I would feel uncomfortable meeting with him in person (him and his sponsor), because, he said, "it would be extremely easy for me to write an apologetic letter to you for what I did; I don't want to take the easy route, I want this to hurt so I remember it -- but I completely and utterly respect if you feel uncomfortable and don't want to meet with me."
I did. I always liked the man; he was never threatening in any way, even as a drunk (just very sad). There was ZERO doubt that his apology and his regret was sincere. Zero. He told me that I was a very attractive woman (I was also 20 years his junior), but that his way of telling me that was disrespectful and clumsy and rude and wrong, in addition to which it disrespected not only me but also his wife. He was so nervous he was shaking while he was talking to me. It was easy to forgive him.
But I think it was easy to forgive him because I was pretty far down on his list. His sponsor had him make the list and work it from the bottom up, from the "small" amends to the biggies...