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Old 03-12-2011, 11:38 AM
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jamaicamecrazy
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 338
Promises made and kept

When someone makes a promise to you, you want to believe that they are making it a priority in their lives and not spending their energy coming up with excuses.
When you make a promise to someone, you give them your word that you will make an effort and do not want to disappoint them .
When you make a promise to yourself, it is twice as important that you keep it.

This has been a milestone birthday week for me and I promised myself a few things. One of them has given me great satisfaction in keeping. I feel valued. I deserve it and I can depend on ME! The other has been difficult and I have had to keep adjusting my thinking. I promised I would enjoy my celebrations, be grateful for the love shown by family and friends and not let “if only” or “Yeah, but...” diminish the joy I was feeling.

I had no expectations of hearing form my AH. This way I would not be disappointed. Last year we were “imploding” and he barely acknowledged my birthday at all. About 7 p.m. on my birthday he posted on my FACEBOOK page.
happy birthday
I was glad he remembered. I was grateful he acknowledged it. It was unexpected.
But now here is my stinking think-or is it the clarity that once eluded me.
I did not even rate the effort of hitting the shift key or the use of a punctuation mark?

Why can’t I just be happy with what I got? Why do I always want more? Why is it always on my terms?

I’ll tell you why. For so long it was what I accepted. Yeah I wished for more but I was always accepting of what I got. “It’s all he can do right now. He has others things on his mind. I know he loves me. He shows me in other ways.” I always made excuses, trying to convince myself and felt ungrateful.

But now I know-after 30 years of marriage- I deserve more. I am grateful but not smiling sheepishly at what I got. I deserve a partner who is 100% committed to our relationship. I can’t go on with someone who is just “good enough most of the time” because good enough is not good enough anymore and most of the time had become some of the time and is now almost never.

I deserve more!
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