AS was transferred to inpatient psych under court order on Tuesday after his suicide attempt. (He's still on dialysis, will be for at least 3 months; still can't walk without a walker due to a blood clot in his leg)
My husband and I went to visit yesterday for the first time since he's been there. The visiting hours are really strict, so we get an hour. My husband and I drove seperately because he was coming from work and I from home. Of course I got COMPLETELY lost (even with my GPS-it was taking me to a clinic with the same name AHHHH!), my husband had to come and find me and we didn't get there until there was 15 minutes left.
As soon as we walk in, we get attitude. No smile, no "hi", just this blank look boardering on anger. I explained what happened but whatever. We got to talking and he starts telling us that "everyone loves him" there and that he knew we'd get extra time (we did). I asked for details about his treatment and he said that the psych doc thinks he'll be OK with no anti-depressant and that his drinking is anxiety-related. Huh? Did anybody hear me when I relayed the last three months of living with him to them? Is the suicide attempt taking front and center? Is he snowballing them like he did to me? HOW IN GOD'S NAME DO YOU TRICK MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONALS????
Still no true acknowledgement of the role alcohol plays in his life other then "it's the farthest thing" from his mind and he's had "no desire to drink" and he "knows now that he has to take ownership instead of wishing or drinking things away". I think that HE thinks that because there's been no withdrawl or shakes or whatever he defines as "withdrawl", that he's "ok". He says that right now he is dealing with the fact that he didn't die as he expected and instead became an "invalid". That is front and center. I guess I can see that. He is/was the most serious suicide attempt...he's the one that left no note, no warnings, no drama...just went and did it. Very similar to the people you hear about that end up shooting themselves in their car and the family left wondering what in the hell happened. I personally know a few of those and I can't tell you the shock that is left behind.
All this being said, yes, he does seem better and he does seem more open to talking about where he went wrong and his feelings. But I just don't feel like the biggest issue is being addressed AT ALL.
He's in daily multiple group sessions and he participates in them all. He's either really playing the game well or he's really making an effort. He keeps "forgetting" to ask his nephrologist about short term disability from work (yes, he has his job still, amazingly), then asks if I'm calling. Granted, the unit he is on is very tightly controlled so he's probably having a heck of a time calling work. I said no, so go me! Told him to write himself a note or something to remember.
Court is on Monday and they think he'll be released from the chapter 51 and then have a court-ordered treatment plan he'll have to follow. All the DUI stuff is looming out there too yet.
All this is making me feel like I'm the one that has the problem. Like I'm so far off base about him. I lived with him....I've seen it first hand. He's going in with two DUI's in less then 6months....how does that just get passed over??
Yeah, color me pissed.