What does it mean that this means NOTHING to me
... honestly, I used to LIVE for notes like this below, and I just saw this in my email and I'm not annoyed or angry or happy or sad... actually I am a little annoyed by it-- I kind of just want to roll my eyes at it. But other than that I don't really feel anything about this other than that I've seen this before when he's been feeling the effects of me not wanting to live this way any longer. And nothing ever changed in the past. I am not discounting that this time could be different but I am really stunned with how little I care about this note... I know he probably thinks he's trying but it's kind of meaningless to me to be honest. Actions matter. Words used to be all it took to win me over and that ship has sailed. In fact it's sunk and gone forever!
I can only imagine how tough this turmoil with you and I is for you. And the raesson that I say that is bc I am as miserable as I have been in a long time, and I usually dont feel much of anything most of the time. I keep thinking about today being D3's birthday, and that the association w/ her Bday will be the utter f'd up place our marriage is in. I don't want to be apart from you and I want our family to be strong, healthy and happy - and I know it is going to take time b4 we can even b together. i spoke with woman at outpatient rehab program yesterday, and she said that she would talk it over with other staff and let me know their decision by Monday. I have one SAT taker tomorrow, i guess thats good? ... extra $. I want u to know that even tho i am sad rite now, I know that all of this is (hopefully and w/ work) going to end w/ us staying together and being happy. It starts w me, honesty, honesty, honesty, and recovery. I love u and i am thinking of u.