Old 03-11-2011, 09:40 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
wanttobehealthy
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
My 5 yr old D's therapist wants to see my 3 yr old too. She is telling me that while the behaviors are not "normal" they aren't atypical given the circumstances. A 3 yr old can't verbally express feelings like a 5 yr old can (and even for her it's hard bc she like I have been trained to be afraid to say how we feel for fear of "upsetting Daddy") so when she's angry, scared, tired, lonely, etc... she melts down. It makes perfect sense, it is just heartbreaking to see and it's not going to go away overnight and that's hard to see as a parent and know you're responsible.

Now instead of acting out bc of the fighting or the unspoken tension it's acting out bc of sadness that we are not all together and anger about wanting something that can't be (I have that feeling too and can elaborate and talk and write about it-- I can not imagine being a kid and trying to sort it out).

I grew up in a chaotic abusive home (not an A home but it might as well have been) and have virtually no memories of childhood. I have snapshots here and there-- mostly from things my mother talks about (painting a picture of a great happy event which doesn't jive with my feelings about it)...

I am so afraid of my own D's growing up like me... remembering nothing but the bad times or worse, remembering nothing...

AH wants to come over tomorrow to have a little family bday celebration (D3's party with friends is the following Saturday) and I really, really don't want him there. I want to have her bday be drama free and even if we are being pleasant to each other, the years of drama have made it so that the girls get anxious and upset the instant AH and I are together... It's awful and it's our fault... (well, mine... I'll let him worry about his part and according to him anyway it's all me! Yeah right!)
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