Dealing with Employers
Hi...I was sober for 4.5 years. About a year and a half ago, on vacation, I convinced myself that I could drink an occasional glass of wine without it escalating. Yeah...I know...no one here has ever had that conversation with themselves, right? So I had my glass of wine and it was good. And it took me a solid year to get back to the point where I'm at now which is roughly a bottle to two bottles of wine every evening.
So now...I'm at the point where I recognize that I'm an alcoholic. I'm struggling with a couple of things. First of all, it pisses me off...I hate it. And I've having a hard time accepting it...not intellectually because the evidence is pretty much irrefutable, but more on a spiritual level...I guess I'm mad at God for making me that way? So I guess I'll get through that as I get through it...and I know this this doesn't make me unique in any way because I can't be the first angry alcoholic in history, but I'm the first alcoholic I've ever been and I'm the one that has to deal with me.
The other issue that I'm struggling with as far as getting sober goes is how much information should you give an employer? I ask this because my performance has been suffering...imagine that...and I might need their support in order to get and stay sober. And I look back at the last time I sobered up and wonder if maybe I wasn't already laying the ground work for my exodus from the wagon by not making sure that more people knew why I didn't drink? Let me qualify this by saying I'm in an industry where entertaining clients is the norm and attendance at a lot of events where alcohol flows freely is fairly common. So...do I engage my employer in this process? Engage HR? Just my boss? How have others handled this? I figure I don't have to wait until I get fired to address this, do I?
I tend to be very deliberate about stuff and sometimes I'm paralyzed by analysis, but I really don't want to screw getting sober up or screw up getting sober whichever is most accurate...if it's possible.
Appreciate any constructive feedback...FOB