Ok, here goes.
As a recovering A, when I did my Step 9 amends, those amends were to 'acknowledge' my 'wrongs' to others individually. Before I could do each amend, it was necessary for me to sit and meditate and make sure that what I was about to do was appropriate and that I would ask HP's help in making sure that I made sure I took my full responsibility without pointing any fingers elsewhere. Whether the person 'forgave' me or not was not a part of it.
When I did my Step 9 in Alanon, the same thing held true.
Now when I have received an amend or not received an amend, when I 'forgive' someone, it is NOT for them. It is for ME. There is a line in "The Lord's Prayer" that says:
"Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us."
Whew, that one, when I was finally clear headed enough to understand it, was like a 2 x 4 up side my forehead. I was asking HP to forgive me the way I forgive others.
So for me, I have found that 'forgiveness' of others is very important to me. Every time I am able to 'forgive' another, be they an A or not, whether they have made an amend or not, it takes away a little more of the darkness from my soul and allows me to move forward without bitterness.
It would be nice to hear 'amends' from some of the A's in my life (at least those that are still living). Will I? Who knows. Does it matter? NO. I forgave them a long time ago. I cannot hang onto that bitterness, it is baggage just too heavy for me to carry.
J M H O
Love and hugs,