Originally Posted by
fourmaggie 
STEP 9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible except when to do so would injure them or others.
Have you ever received an amend from your "A" or "NA"? and did you forgive them? or do we need to?
I was looking for a emoticon laughing hysterically bc no, I have NEVER received a sincere, step 9 apology from AH. He says sorry only to wrap up his latest transgression and move on to justifying the next one. There is no normal, adult, human being process of learning from the mistake and changing the behavior. As long as an "I'm sorry" comes out of his mouth- no matter what he's done- he's convinced himself he's home free.
AND he's told me that making amends is for those outside of the family whom he's hurt and who haven't contributed to the problem. I am guessing that's not true!
This is the same mentality that has him saying things like "I can only love our D's (not you) wholly and without conditions bc they are pure and haven't hurt me". Irony of irony. He who hurts me constantly, sees himself as a victim if I lose my patience with him and then he justifies his continued mistreatment of me by telling himself that I've hurt him so it's okay... I guess using that logic I can go out and do anything I want for years to make up for the hurts he's caused.
My H (to hear him talk-- maybe what he thinks is different) does not think he has done anything to me that necessitates making amends...