passionfruit

My AH actually said that to me over and over.

How I was on a pedestal and was "different" from other women. He loved me. What more did I want? How come I didn't get that? He knows its true. I just need to accept what I really am to him and we will get along fine. If I could just get that through my head OTHER WOMEN WON'T MATTER.

He treated me like crap. Period.

I cried and felt less than and thought I wasn't good enough or just enough period for a long time.

One good thing my AH has taught me: I could be model perfect with big boobs and he would still stray.

It is not me that is the problem. IT IS HE.

Lately, when I think of how much I miss him, I make myself remember him standing next to some thing he has the hots for and his reactions to her. I instantly feel the pain again and am usually able to walk away without reaching out to him

Recently, he was messing with a girl at a restaurant. He denied it of course, but I could see by her actions and reactions when I made it a point to kiss him in front of her that there was more.

He tried to get me back and I refused citing the incident. His response was "Oh, I did ask about her. They said she works this area when she works. But that is all. They also told me she flirts with men alot, FOR MONEY."

All I could think was: He's lying. He's flat out lying. He is talking trash about her to me thinking this will make me feel better?

I actually felt sorry for her at that point.

I see many posts on here where women bemoan the alcohol, but few mention womanizing in association with it. Everyone knows alcohol loosens inhibitions. Yet we rarely mention it, unless it is flat out thrown in our faces.

My AH drank at home always, so I never feared him cheating for a long time. He even said to me that he will never drink away from me. He was true to his word until the last few months. Then he started drinking on the way home-driving. So he clearly has had trouble with being faithful while drinking in the past because he made it a point to make this clear to me.

He and his best friend weren't speaking when I met because his friend caught him in bed with his teenage niece...drunk of course. (I didn't know it at the time).



In the end, he began to do his womanizing in front of me. I imagined all this happening. He was just being friendly and I was excessively jealous. EVERYTIME.

I think if women embraced the truth about their AH and other women, it would be easier to walk away.

However, alot of us simply don't allow those thoughts to enter our minds. Denial.

I, at one point, became numb to his womanizing ways.

Never did I think I would see a day when I watched my husband hit on a woman and simply turned and walked away, not caring.

That is when I knew I was changed.

How did I ever get here I thought?

A day at a time I guess. Now I need to get out. A day at a time.