Thanks folks for your love and suggestions. Still feeling a bit shaky this morning, like I might burst into tears right here at work. I will think about your suggestions. I use to do theatre in HS and college too. Perhaps I could get involved there. I do need a new hobby or interest. I am involved in several activities already but I don't seem to get the sense of caring I am looking for. I am involved in church, the chair of the worship committee, on the councel etc. But believe it or not, I have been a member there for 6 years and no one really knows much about my life or my struggles. How is that possible? I have a home Alanon meeting, and I feel welcome there, but I don't have a close connection with anyone outside the meeting.
Anyway I will sort through this today. The good news is that I am spending the weekend with my college roommate. Just the two of us in a town in between our homes. We talk and talk and she really gets me, knows me since before the flood, Haha - knows where the bodies are burried!!! So I well get some good caring for in just a couple of days!! We get together at least 4 times a year for a weekend of fun and sharing and support.
Thank you again for your kind words etc. Yes perhaps the HP is whispering in my ear, somehow I think I am close to hearing. Perhaps I am a bit frightened. Who am I when I am not the mother of my children or wife to hubby? Maybe that scares me a bit. hugh........