Your AH may show up. I wouldn't bet the farm on it though.
That's what I was thinking too... and if he doesn't it will surely be my fault OR he will want a pity party and want me to tell him it's okay he didn't come and want his feelings to trump D5.
I won't pretend to know how he thinks but I'm w/ you I would walk through hot coals for my kids too.
I thought that was a given for parents and he will TALK a good game, but his actions say something different. What's infuriating for me is that when he does "show up" and do things with the girls he's the hero dad... He's never the one who says no, holds back hair when there is puking, has to set limits, gets up in the middle of the night etc... He swoops in to be fun dad for a few hrs here and there so the girls think he's a saint and it's irritating that he makes them believe in him so much (like he did me) and soon enough they'll realize he's all smoke and mirrors. I keep hoping he'll get it together before that happens but that's not for me to figure out...
HOWEVER, I have a father (A, of course) who barely speaks to me. simply put I know too much. He's not an active A, says he has a glass of wine w/ dinner once in awhile but doesn't drink other than that. I wouldn't know. Nor do I care to. His A is his problem.
I have reached out to him many times only to be turned away.
That's really sad... I'm sorry... I have a father who while not an A is extremely narcissistic and after one too many times of being hurt I've stopped accepting his self centered attempts at contacting me... Not the same as you describe, but I get the whole parent not being there issue...
My mom, who although thinks he's sorry excuse for a man (although she's never said so) believes that it's his own guilt that keeps him away.
I kinda believe that too.
Makes sense. But it still hurts and it still sucks.
I'm the only witness to his manipulations, mistreatment and rages. He can't face what he's done to his family so he'd rather pretend I don't exist.
Maybe...your AH is doing the self preservation...because he can't face that he's caused your daughter harm... 5yo in therapy isn't exactly a gold star achievement as far as fatherhood. KWIM?
Yup, I do know what you mean. I've said over and over that this isn't his doing or my doing-- it's our collective "dance" that has made things unhealthy at our house and D5's behaviors got concerning enough that I said let's do something about it. He was all for it until it actually meant talking about what home life is like. No matter how much I said "here's what I do" all he heard was "it's all your fault"... His issue.
Good luck and big hugs to your baby girl!
Thanks. D5 is wonderful, very sensitive and sadly reminds me FAAAARRR too much of myself as a kid. Hesitant, scared of her own shadow, afraid to upset others, won't say what she thinks, takes her feelings out on her younger sister (in my case my sister took her feelings out on me!)... Her therapist is great and has really helped a lot. Whether H comes or not, it will be good to bring her tomorrow.
Thanks for the feedback!