Me too. Not only that, I also imagined many different ways of killing him myself. And when he was not around I imagined where I wanted him to be. (Not great places...). Now in therapy I visualize telling him what I have really wanted to say and killing him in various horrible forms. All that anger can be channeled to help us move forward. And to take actions to protect ourselves.
You are not alone. Please listen to the advice already given. Stay safe selman and let us know how you are doing.