not able to put daughter first?
Our 5 yr old has been seeing a child psychologist for about 5 weeks. AH and I went once to see her together and he all but blew up when she asked him about his drinking- I then heard for the next several days how I was "blaming" everything on him, despite the fact I said nothing about his issues and just spoke about myself.
AH has not been back with D5 since then. I've been taking her alone.
D5's therapist asked that we both come tomorrow to show D5 that we are committed together, as parents to making things as okay as possible for she and her sister while we are separated. Therapist said it would be best to be there together to tell her the same things at the same time.
I asked AH if he wanted to/would come. He said he needs to think about it and feels uncomfortable. I very briefly stated that my request that he consider coming was for the sake of D5 at the recommendation of her therapist.
He hemmed and hawed and said he needed time to think.
My thoughts at this point are: (tell me if you think I should do something different)
- I will not ask again. If he wants to come, he will/can let me know
- I want to believe that this is "normal" for an A struggling to stay sober-- he is unable to think of anyone, even his child, other than himself. To me I would walk across hot coals or cut off my right arm to help my child. To him, if it will cause him discomfort he's unsure he can do it. Is this A thinking/behavior or just the thoughts/actions of a huge *******/narcissist?!
I am beginning to think that left to his own devices he would talk a good game about how much he loves our D's but probably not do much with them alone if it were up to him... He saw them this afternoon at my moms for a few hours (not even-- more like 1 1/2 hrs) and sat them in front of the tv, didn't give them anything to drink with dinner, both were still hungry when I got back etc...
For a long time I was afraid to leave, thinking that if I did I'd have to share time with him 50/50 and worried about how the girls would fare with him alone. But I don't think he will want that that much, if at all... Shocking, sad, awful but also eye opening....
So, should I push the therapy appt issue for my D's sake or just let things play out as they will and if it means I go with her alone then so be it?