Thread: frozen
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Old 03-09-2011, 02:14 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
theuncertainty
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
Hi, LonesomeD. I can definitely relate. I really want to say thanks for this thread, too. I have been trying to describe, for myself mainly, how I felt the last few months/years living with and then after having left XAH. I always say/said "numb", but it really didn't fit. Frozen fits better. One would think living in AK, I would be able to come up with that word, but...

Yes, frozen fits much better for me. There are different stages to being outside in the freezing cold.
  • Being outside in the cold can be so exhilarating at first. Maybe that first breath is a little uncomfortable, the cold can take it away, but the world is shiny, clear, full of excitement.
  • I stay out a bit longer, maybe without the proper gear, and it can start to hurt a bit.
  • Say I then get somewhat adequate gear or just believe I have, and stay out, yeah, numbness can start to set in.
  • I plod along, numb, unaware of what I was walking through.
  • Then it warms up a little. Maybe the weather warms or I go inside for a bit. That hurts like h-ll: feelings returning.
  • I can go back to the freezing and it may not hurt as much right now, or I can 'thaw' and face the pain and heal....

I went back to the freezing conditions (living with XAAH or just ignoring the situation) again and again. I didn't understand why I was in so much pain now that I've left him for good. This definitely helps. I'm not sure if that helps any one else, but I hope it does. The analogies (like this and the recovery path) help me see and move along.
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