welcome. I can only share my experience, you have to make your own path.
I've been with my wife for over 20 years. I wish I would have left at the first indicators. Now, I'm in so deep, it is harder to leave. She is finally, after 20 years of living with what you describe, throttling back and attempting recovery. It's no fun either. and she is only attempting because I gave her no more choices. I really think had I taken the drastic action 10 or 15 years ago, I would have recieved the improvement then. They really mess with your head, don't they?
In the blink of an eye, the next 20 years will go by. tough choices ahead for you. Staying is easier for now. Cost more in the long run, both financially and emotionally. Leaving now cost more now, both financially and emotionally. however, the score card is vastly different in 20 years.