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Old 03-09-2011, 11:10 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Verbena's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Desert Southwest
Posts: 192
My own experience is this: I almost left my AH 15 years ago before I retired. He got me with crocodile tears and my strong views of commitment and keeping promises. I regret my decision.

My Ah is not physically abusive. He doesn't throw money away. He's not a controlling person. In fact he's probably more co-dependent than I am. But he is a drunk and when he's drinking he can be truly obnoxious if not verbally abusive if he goes over about 8 beers.

He now shows some physical signs of alcoholism. He's lost much of his capacity to work and to concentrate. He's clearly a loner. In the last year I've noticed delusional thinking. It's as if he's got to have an issue so he has something to drink about. Fortunately, he can get himself all worked up over politics, or the latest article he read in Scientific American as well as whatever issue he has with me.

But, he's backed way off bringing those up. He's aware that I'm learning all I can about alcoholism. He senses that I've taken charge of my life and don't share much with him the way I used to.

He doesn't know I have a cash stash, copies of our important papers, and blank divorce forms in a safe place should I decide to use them.
I don't want to loose my home, my garden and my life here in this beautiful area of the desert Southwest.

But, I'm not stupid. Alcoholism is progressive. It's not gonna get better. It may not get better if he stops drinking.

So, make a plan for yourself. You don't have to decide anything right this minute. I believe that any woman who lives with an alcoholic should build a safety net for herself and keep her mouth shut about it.
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