Good things sometimes come....
......out of bad situations.
I divorced my exhusband 27 years ago. He was difficult to live with because he drank a lot and smoked waaaaay too much pot. He wanted to grow pot plants in our house and with an infant son in the house, I just couldn't deal with it. Was he an A? I don't know but I suspect he was--certainly many of the behaviors were there and those behaviors escalated. So divorced happened. Just like many of our addicted loved ones, it wasn't that he was a "bad" person. Our ideals and value systems just didn't match. We didn't have the same goals in life and I just couldn't deal with it.
We didn't have a "good" relationship for the last 27 years. We basically had no relationship. He didn't pay child support and even though he got visitation with our son, I didn't communicate with him. I was angry that he felt he deserved the "rights" of parenthood without the responsibilities. That was my attitude and I was sticking with it!
I let go of that anger and resentment several years ago and it was a relief to let that go--it was a weight off of my back.
Through the years, my Ex managed to maintain a relationship with our son but I had no contact with my Ex. With the developments and escalation of our son's addiction, my Ex and I have begun a dialogue. We're communicating in a way that we should have communicated many years ago. Time has softened the pain of divorce and I feel no emotional connection to him. BUT we're talking and have in common the love for and concern over the welfare of our adult son.
I'm sure we will never have a close relationship but at least we are working toward a healthier one.
This has brought a sense of serenity and acceptance to me. My ex deserves my compassion and I am finally able to offer it.
This is a small gift that Naranon has brought to my life.
gentle hugs
ke