Originally Posted by
Alone22 
I think I need a better understanding of detachment. I will for my lifetime detach from his illness or at least trying to control it. I thought detachment was a way of dealing or coping with an A when you don't like or trust the behavior. Not punishment( ie cold shoulder), but to not react to whatever it is that you shouldn't react to.... like being baited into an argument. Lovingly detach... I care about what you are going through, but I am not going to deal with it.. thus handing it back over to the person. Since I don't trust the "kiss" as being genuine, I detach..which is not responding to it. If at some point I trust then I would not detach
Help... now I am more confused than ever.
No, you got it right, that is "detaching with love."
The trick is to examine your motives - "Am I doing this to make me feel better or to hurt him?" - and adjust accordingly.
In your case, since you do not want kisses that are not genuine, then by all means don't kiss him if you don't want to. The point was just to make sure that's the real reason, that's all.
There is a fine line sometimes, and it's important we stay on our loving side of it, and to be sure we do not cross over into the manipulative vindictive realm that A's typically inhabit.
You have it right.
