Please pay attention and honor Passionfruit's requests:
Originally Posted by
passionfruit 
Each who expressed concern please take the time to read the sticky: how to support an abused woman.I went to dv counseling last week and a woman with a black eye walked out as I was walking in.
The counselors did not call the police and file charges against the man. They continued with her counseling as usual because they KNOW she has to be ready to get out of the relationship. They have to build her up so she is strong and able to make that decision. Otherwise, she will be right back there at the first bump in the road.
Same is true for me. I am strong in alot of ways, but I clearly have lots of work to do.
There are numerous factors which you all could not possibly be aware of in my situation, or anybody else's for that matter.
Getting out of any situation is not easy. I have many things to weigh.
In my mind, I am walking a tight rope for now. I am doing the best I can do with the tools I currently have at hand.
I know everyone is concerned, but it sure felt like I was beat up yesterday over tolerating this which made me feel like running back to him. I did not however. I stood my ground to not go to him which is a first for me. It was a little scary though.
Women like me need support even if we make stupid decisions and tolerate stupid things.
You need to be the opposite of what he is.
He thinks I am unable to make good decisions and am stupid and ......
I need those supporting me to believe in me, and offer support regardless of how I handle the situations I am faced with.
I may cognitively know all this stuff, but putting it into behaviors is far easier said than done.
Anyhoo.........Thanks and Love!
DV counselors should be the ones counseling a DV victim. It is not nearly as simple as it seems. It's not just, "Get out" or "File a restraining order" or "Change your number".
As Passionfruit said, the only thing she needs from us is support... NOT to be told what she should DO or NOT DO. She is a very smart woman and is the
only one who understands her situation! She is very capable of deciding what is best and how to proceed.
Also keep in mind that this time is extremely dangerous for Passionfruit. I'm sure she is very well aware of it and is proceeding as she sees fit. She has stated that she is currently in counseling with a domestic violence center, so she has resources for information and assistance as she needs it.
Most importantly, the advice normally dispensed here and in Al-anon does not apply well to DV situations. Oftentimes it is best to placate the abuser to try and keep the peace. Her counselor will help Passionfruit determine what is best and things like "Going No Contact" or "Changing Your Number" can make things even worse if the timing is wrong and the safety plan is not perfected.
Passionfruit -- Hugs to you, dear one. You know our intentions are good even though sometimes misguided. I'm just very glad to hear you are in counseling at the DV Center. You are one awesome lady. I hope you find serenity very soon. (((Hugs)))