Originally Posted by
Buffalo66 
All the while he said he was always trying to get his life together to get back to us. HE said he wanted me all the while, and I foolishly believed him. This went on for years.
DestinyM, I am sorry I dont mean to hijack your thread, but wow Buffalo66, that is exactly what I heard for 4 1/2 years. This is exactly the messages he left on my voicemail when I wasn't picking up the phone. Word for Word.
Originally Posted by
Buffalo66 He had, in EVERY case, demonized me to these women, in order to conjure from them the sympathy needed to keep them enabling and supporting him.
That is exactly what he told his family about me! When I spoke to his Mom, prior to him finding his new girlfriend, she thanked me for what I had done. She was so grateful because she had her son back, the one she remembered when he was 16. He demonized me so badly to everyone for being such a bitch because I was always throwing him out. Everyone believed him. He used them too.
Originally Posted by
Buffalo66 He was grateful for a minute ( month or so)...Then the behavior just crept back, no alcohol, just the same stuff without the booze or beer.
He works, now, and I still had to put him out.
Yep, That is why I broke up with him in October. I had always thought without the drugs and alcohol, we would finally be happy, but he was still a jerk. I was still his last priority. I was so naive.
Originally Posted by
Buffalo66 He still is intermittently claiming that he is going to work his program, and work his way back to where I can respect him and we can be together.
Of course my ex-ABF is not saying that today because he has someone new, but this is what he said to me too right after I broke up with in October. He even said it was like the Princess Bride movie. He was going to find his destiny and then we would be happy.
Originally Posted by
Buffalo66 He had not had to earn anything back, and he was highly ungrateful for what he had.
Yep, I made the same mistake
Originally Posted by
Buffalo66 He also has a very teenage frame of mind, with impulsive actions,and instant gratification at the fore front.
Yep, same guy, just with a different face and name.
Originally Posted by
Buffalo66 She thought that helping him was going to lead to a grand love affair. Naive. But she was honest.
Yes, I made the same mistake as the young girl. A very wise somen from another forum posted this:
Things like that are so easy to get caught up in... I've found myself wanting to do too much for the men I know too, because that's what we'd do for a friend. Plus most girls think their relationships are going to be forever, so we start in with that married thinking about "for better or for worse."
What's hard to accept is, that type of help will either drive a man away... or make him think he's the prize. So all that giving never gets us a return on our investment in the way we thought it would.
Even now I often have the urge to do too much for a guy. Luckily I've learned to ignore the urge to give and instead give him my trust that he can solve his own problems."
Thank you so much for posting your story Buffalo66. I was stuck in thinking my relationship was so special, when in reality, it was quite common. Thank you again.
Lithloren