Thanks to everyone.
You are right. I am numb to his threats, I guess. Or maybe I am tired of being afraid. Or maybe I feel like a little embarrassed because I think everyone is overreacting. Or maybe I don't want people to feel sorry for me or like I am seeking sympathy. Or all of the above.
He has said these type things to me for 2 years. I am not living with him currently. I think he is afraid to come over here because of the police factor. Of course, on that same note, he has said he will be at work if it ever happens.
He has had previous wives and he has not carried out these threats, which is one reason I dismiss them for the most part.
However, I don't want him to get away with anything if it actually happens.
But again, this behavior is progressive.
I know I am back and forth.
Again, I have lived this way for 2 years. For the last year, I had a security deposit box with video footage of my black eyes. My sisters had copies of the video as well. I had a run for it bag packed.
I think I would have stayed and tolerated this much longer, had my daughter not moved in with us.
My maternal instincts stepped in then and while I was not in fear for myself, I was in fear for my daughter. That is when we left.
I obviously have work to do on me, to get to the point where I take care of me.
THAT IS WHY I AM HERE. THAT IS WHY I AM IN COUNSELING. THAT IS WHY I AM IN ALANON.
I am simply not there yet.
Each who expressed concern please take the time to read the sticky: how to support an abused woman.
I went to dv counseling last week and a woman with a black eye walked out as I was walking in.
The counselors did not call the police and file charges against the man. They continued with her counseling as usual because they KNOW she has to be ready to get out of the relationship. They have to build her up so she is strong and able to make that decision. Otherwise, she will be right back there at the first bump in the road.
Same is true for me. I am strong in alot of ways, but I clearly have lots of work to do.
There are numerous factors which you all could not possibly be aware of in my situation, or anybody else's for that matter.
Getting out of any situation is not easy. I have many things to weigh.
In my mind, I am walking a tight rope for now. I am doing the best I can do with the tools I currently have at hand.
I know everyone is concerned, but it sure felt like I was beat up yesterday over tolerating this which made me feel like running back to him. I did not however. I stood my ground to not go to him which is a first for me. It was a little scary though.
Women like me need support even if we make stupid decisions and tolerate stupid things.
You need to be the opposite of what he is.
He thinks I am unable to make good decisions and am stupid and ......
I need those supporting me to believe in me, and offer support regardless of how I handle the situations I am faced with.
I may cognitively know all this stuff, but putting it into behaviors is far easier said than done.
Anyhoo.........Thanks and Love!