AH comes home today
AH comes home today after being on a business trip since last week. When he left our relationship was in the phase of (mind you we have been here countless times) AH knows I know he has been drinking, he knows I am not happy, knows I am tired of the merry go round we call our marriage, so out comes Mr. Charming. AH continued to be Mr. C while he was gone by phone calls. Something in me changed this time... I know it, I can feel it and it is coming from my gut. I feel like for the first time ever I maybe (I say maybe because I'm not sure I fully trust myself yet) walking around with my eyes OPEN.
For over 8 years (we have been married for 21, and dated for 7) he has admitted he is an A and has tried be become sober and stay in recovery. The last year + he seemed to really take it seriously. Counseling, AA meetings, and we even started marriage counseling. During this time he has fallen in and out of sobriety, stopped and restarted his recovery and each time before now I always made an excuse why it didn't work, some stress in his life. I took his Mr. Charming as a sign that he got what I was going through. Now I see that until HE wants to stop there will always be a reason to drink and I feel that Mr. Charming is no more than his manipulation of me so he can continue to do what he as done for a very very long time.... put the bottle first, continue to be a closet drinker and continue to destroy himself and his relationships.
I have also opened my eyes to how sick I am and how much help I need. I understood I was a codie about 6 months ago, but last night it really hit me... I could not stop reading this site, could not fall asleep because I could not stop thinking about him and his illness. What I should do next, how I should handle myself, how it would affect him etc. I'm done feeling this way. I want peace of mind and I will seek out treatment until I do.
So when he gets home what do I say to him? Do I tell him what I just told you guys? Or do I simply detach myself and let him figure it out on his own (if he is even able to do that)?
Oh and yes I fear by setting new boundaries and by refusing to be manipulated this will create additional tension.
Thank you for your help.. I REALLY need it... I REALLY want to get well.