Hello everyone.
I am coming here hoping for some sound advice. I have never had to deal with anything quite like this in my life. I am going to try and put it all out there in the easiest timeline possible, but I may have to skip around a few times. Sorry if it confuses anyone!
I have been dating a gentleman for a little over 3 months. I knew going in that he was about a year out of rehab from substance abuse. He has a full time job in a decent paying field. He has had this job since he was out of rehab (small town, I met him there) I truly believe he was sober when we met.
The first few weeks were lovely. He is a wonderful man and we instantly clicked. I developed feelings for him which makes this so hard. I know a few months isn't a long time but I guess it happens every now and then. I can't say I've felt this way before so soon in a new dating situation. And thats why I'm here. I want to at least give this a shot. I don't know what will come but I could at least use some guidance.
About a month into it he started wanting to drink. His addiction was not alcohol related, drugs instead so far as I know. It started off slowly and has increased from a couple every couple nights to becoming drunk every time we are out. We are usually together a few nights a week. I feel I have enabled this but realized it too little, too late. I feel incredibly guilty. Even more recent, he has been gambling and over the course of the last month he has borrowed a significant amount of money from me and I know he will not be able to pay it back.
He broke up with me when I said I needed the money back. And then apologized and said he would get it back asap, in payments. I did tell him I was no longer going to be able to give him money until he paid me back, that was two weeks ago.
The last week has been an emotional roller coaster. Over the course of the last seven days, he has demanded, pleaded, and used manipulation to try and get money out of me. I succumbed, borrowed money from a relative, and now I am in hot water. I know very bad choice on my part. He was so sincere and I just couldn't deal with how much it seemed to hurt him. I don't know how to explain it. It was terrible. I was almost convinced he would go back to drugs if I didn't help him gamble. I've bought him tickets. I've paid his way to the casino's. (we live close to a few larger ones).
Last night was just devastating. He demanded money. He was cruel. He gave me an ultimatum and said that if I couldn't come up with money for him, he didn't need me at all. I didn't have any money and he didn't talk to me until this afternoon. I did text him and asked him what was up. He was civil but curt and did not seem keen on even small talk. He ignored my last text. I know he's angry with me for not giving him money. He told me it was my fault that he was upset and how it affected his social life and involvement with friends. His father checks up on him nightly and apparently he told them he was with me one night when he didn't go home and his father stopped by. They asked me the next day what we did that night and I had no idea what they were talking about. Of course, he wasn't with me that night. So here I sit, alone in my apartment waiting for some glimmer of hope or advice.
Since I started typing this he did respond to my last text and said that our date for Wednesday was still fine.
I am fearful though. I don't know what I can say to help. Or at least minimize damage. I don't know what I should or shouldn't do. I don't know who to talk to or where to go. I was going to go to a Gam-Anon meeting if I could get out of work but the meeting is wednesday, same time as our date night. there are others during my work week but in all honestly I am afraid to go. I really don't even know where I stand in this mans life. If I'm just a source for money, if he actually may have cared. If I should just walk away now, or if I should be as supportive as possible. I don't know. I am hoping someone on here has some idea of what the right thing is. I just want to know what I can do to help him. *If* he even wants to see me again. I am so hurt that all of the nice things he has said could have possibly just been a ploy to get what he needed. And that his affection was likely an act and I fell for it. Ugh.
And I'm sure I left other things out. But I am emotionally, mentally, and physically drained. I want to sleep but i can't. I am worried and have a knot in my stomach that feels like it's going to explode. Someone, anyone. I will be eternally grateful to anyone who has bothered to read and reply.
And please don't criticize me for enabling him. I know it was wrong. I know now. I wish I could change it but I can't.
