Old 03-07-2011, 07:30 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
UsedToBeAPearl
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Alberta,Canada
Posts: 14
I did it...but feel like I'm regretting it...

I did it...I moved out.....and feel absolutely horrible for it.

A week ago Thursday, my ABF was laid off. Later that day, I had to head out of town for a conference. We had a good convo before I left, gave him some things that he could do while I was gone as well as we hashed out some business contacts to call to see if there were openings anywhere.

That weekend, because he didn't have a cell phone (it was a company one), I told him to correspond with me via email due to me being in lectures all weekend, and I didn't recieve one although every time I spoke to him on the phone he said that he was busy emailing resume's etc.

I returned home sunday night, his birthday. Along with my luggage, I brought home a bag with birthday gifts from myself and my family and asked him if I could take him out to dinner. I knew right there and then that he had been drinking, he totally flipped out, told me how much his presents sucked and I just stayed quiet and went to the bedroom to unpack. He decided to go out because he was mad, and I ordered pizza in....he got home about 4 or 5 hours later and I was in bed...had to work the next day.

Monday, I did a search on the computer and noticed that he hadn't checked into his hotmail account at all over the weekend....so much for looking for work.

Wednesday, he called me at work, I knew that he had been drinking and had a complete breakdown at work. However, when I got home, we had a very indepth talk about how I can't do this anymore, how I can't trust him and how he can't be drinking while he's off work. I suggested that possibly we take a break, but talked through it and had a really good night. Thursday we had a really great night as well.
Friday, I got a phone call from him, and 'though' he was drinking and when I came home from work, he wasn't there. I grabbed some clothes, my cat and headed over to my parents and have been here ever since.
Saturday, I work up with a feeling of dread. I talked to him in the afternoon, knew that he was sober. He pleaded with me that he wasn't drinking on Friday afternoon and just went out to get a hair cut. I told him that I did this because I needed time to sort myself out as did he for his alcoholism. I also told him that I had to return to the house later that day to get some things.

I went over after dinner (after the dinner I vomited up because I was so stressed and nervous) and found him passed out at the kitchen table with a bottle of vodka. I packed my things (but left my rabbit and fish tanks there for now) and woke him out. He was so upset....both with us and himself for doing this again. That's all I have pictured in my head now is how upset he was. I hugged and kissed him and told him I had to go.

About an hour later I recieved a phone call from his dad saying that he's threatning to kill himself. It all turned out ok, his brother went over and spent the night and his dad has been staying with him ever since. I have talked to him briefly yesterday and I said to him that I still want to see him and there are some things at the house that I will still have to get. I am totally fine to see him, as long as he is sober, and I mean, it's not like we're officially broken up. He said he doesn't want to see me until he's better and for some reason I'm taking a bit of offence with that....and I don't know why.

I just feel so uncomfortable at my parents house, and just want to go home. I'm sleeping on a couch in a basement to boot. I feel absolutely horrible for doing this to him at such a crappy time. I feel like such a mean person, I mean the guy was crushed from losing his job and now THIS! I know that this was probably the only way that he would ever get sober, and I hope that he does it. He has officially been sober for 2 days and has attended 2 aa meetings with his dad in that time.

He dropped off some of my cat's things today at my parents and it was like a stranger dropping off junk mail. I just wanted to ask him how he was doing and tell him I love him etc. and it was like he just couldn't wait to leave.

I feel like I crushed another human being.....and in turn I am crushed as well. As crappy as my old life was, we had the greatest of times together when he was sober....and I just want to go back to that.

Sorry about the lengthy post.....
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