Thank you for your post. I too have had a few misgivings about "The Big Book," AA and Alanon.
But I've decided that I'm just going to keep an open mind at this point. When I read something that I find suspicious, I just note that. I can come back to it later if I want, or totally disregard it.
I don't expect AA or Alanon to have all the answers. If they did, I'd have them too. My AH would be sober and good company instead of a giant PITA.
I'm currently reading "Beyond the Influence." Great book and a real eye opener for me. It doesn't have all the answers either.
All I'm saying here is that I don't worry to much about whether or not AA or Alanon work. My concern is that I find a way to live "or not" live with my AH. I need to find a way that makes me feel good about getting up in the morning and allows me to enjoy the rest of my day.
I'm not necessarily looking for a program. If I find one great. But, I'm taking charge and I intend to enjoy living. If AA, or Alanon, or Smart Recovery, or Dr. Phil disagrees with my approach--oh well. I'm gonna do what makes me happy.