Good Post...
I really like your idea for this one. I love how other people try to control us. It's awesome you get this already. It took me years. Since I used to think this way too, and thought or said many of these things, I will now answer each of these questions as if they were being asked of me:
1. Who am I to complain about my living situation? Where would I be without him? I am a living breathing human being, and deserve to be treated with respect. Without my alcoholic it's possible I would be in a better place.
2. How selfish am I to want things (like personal care items)? How dare I put my needs above his (if he didn't need the beer I'd be living like a queen). I'm not selfish. Beer comes after my needs, not before.
3. How dare I be unhappy at this stage of the game! Afterall didn't I know what I was getting into? No, I didn't know what I was getting into, and I am unhappy. I have the right to feel what I feel.
4. Am I unhappy because of him or because I am incapable of being happy? It was both. Then I started going to Alanon and got some tools to be happy again.
5. How much better would my life be without him? Could I really survive? Would life be better? I think so. Could I really survive? Absolutely.
6. I'm just a spoiled little girl who can't see a good thing when I have it. I may be spoiled, but I'm seeing what I'm seeing and it is not a good thing.
7. I'm a horrible person for not having more faith in him. He says everything will work out so I should believe him. It's not my job to have faith in another person. It's my job to have faith in me. She has not earned my faith. She has earned my skepticism. She is getting exactly what she earned-- no more, no less. She is a proven liar. If she wants faith she'll have to earn it back, and it's going to take a very, very, very long time. Her 8 months of sobriety is a good start. Maybe in 2015 I'll have faith in her again. Maybe.
Take what you want and leave the rest.
Cyranoak