Hi, CheekyAngel. Sending hugs.
Originally Posted by
CheekyAngel 
She has a million and one issues and she brings me into them.
I do my best for her, but i cant do anything more. [...]
I cant cut her out of my life, as she is a danger to herself. She is also depressed and i dont know what she is capable of doing. Because she lives on her own and she is lonely i feel sorry for her but all i can do is listen to her and give her my opionion and advice.....but yet its never enough.
It was really hard for me to see with XAH, I can only imagine how hard it would be with an AM, but as you noted above, there is only so much support you can offer her. I could tell XAH over and over and over and over again (in fact, I did) how his drinking was affecting his family. I could tell him over and over again that it would be best for him to stop drinking, to go to AA, to go get treatment. IF he was in a good mood, or literally only had had a few, he would nod his head and agree. (If he wasn't in a good mood, or had more than a couple, the response was completely different.) But it was just a nod to get me to be quiet so he could drink more. My opinion and advice never helped him realize he needed help.
Short of it is, helping XAH wasn't my responsibility. It felt like it, but it's not. My responsibility is to take care of myself and DS. Your responsibility is to take care of yourself. If your younger sister wants help, and you're able to give it, that would be lovely. However, if you're not in a spot where you can, it's not your responsibility to take all of that weight either. If you can't give exactly the help that she needs, you can still help by telling her who she can go to for help (her counselors at school, AlaTeen....)
It helped me a lot to make lists of what XAH, and then what DS and I, needed, with columns:
Realistically, can I take care of this need? (Y or N) If Y, how? If N, LET IT GO or who can help? Caveat, the 'who can help' was related to me and DS (an example: Pay for DS's pre-school. Can I do this on my own? No, not entirely. Who can help? The school, if I apply for a tuition adjustment). It was/is not my responsibility to find help for XAH.
I found the book "Letting Go With Love" by Julia H. to be incredibly helpful in detaching from XAH's craziness.
I'm glad you're coming here to let it all out, CheekyAngel.
