Detaching will work but not all the time. The more you practice it the easier it is to do and the calmer you will be. I think it is HUGE that you are starting to see your own craziness. Now what are you going to do about it. For me...I had to move out and started going to Al ANon. My husband never stopped drinking but his "drunk" behavior started spilling into all kinds of our interactions. I now know that was his disease progressing. When he became emotionally abusive, I knew I had to go. Of course we did not have small children at home. I'm not sure I could have done it when the kids were younger. Wishing you strength.