I agree with so much of what has been said here in these responses.
1. That "sober" doesn't just mean not drinking on that particular day.
2. That abuse escalates when you detach.
My AH was far worse when he wasn't drinking. His nerves were raw without the anesthesia of alcohol. He was edgy and mean and he had to reassert his dominance so as not to have to deal with the children and me. He used fear and intimidation to avoid participating or even pleasantness.
3. That your children are living in chaos.
There is no getting around this. I fooled myself that our arguing went unnoticed. My chidlren were awake and worried about us. I do not condone divorce. I do condone children having the right to grow up free from the worries and fears that come from living in a warped and twisted setting.
The best evidence of whether you are becoming crazy as a result of living with him is in your own writings. I suggest you re-read your posts.
Good luck as you struggle with these issues. It is so hard.