Mine began as a teenager; I still see that level of maturity even at 100+ days in recovery. I am very aware of the phenomenon laurie describes above (thanks for that well said interpretation) and that I am dealing with someone who is at the emotional level of a 15 year old. He can't prioritize like I can - I was busy growing up while he was busy drinking. I now recognize this process will take much, much longer than I expected and am taking steps to remain disengaged to retain my own sanity. I also have to keep my expectations very low. I focus on celebrating each day he doesn't drink first and foremost. The rest, as frustrating as it may be to me, isn't worthy of making an issue of. If I did, I am no better than I was before, being a nagging wife with high expectations that he can't possibly meet. Easier said than done when its EVERYDAY. But each day I try anew. Some days are better than others.
He doesn't "get it" yet, and probably won't for a long time. I expected a quick fix and have had to suffer through the bitter defeat of that not happening. That was my mistake. Not his.
Giving up the dream is hard. Going on without them is hard. Letting them progress on their own time-frame is hard. But its the only way. We can't continue to drag them kicking and screaming into maturity. Letting go truly means that, but also means the responsibility of being the "grown up" falls squarely on you. Sometimes I resent the heck out of that, but I do accept what it means.
Selfish a$$hole, yes. But it is because he hasn't learned how to be anything different. Yet. Stay strong!