HELP! Weekends are the hardest...
STBXAH is off at an AA meeting now. Weekends are the hardest time...usually by Monday I am a quivering bowl of jello, questioning my decision to leave, confused and a general "hot mess" but by Thursday I'm okay and *somewhat* confident. The last words he said before he left this morning were "I know you won't stay, but I really wish you would". Yesterday we went through the Christmas stuff in the basement, splitting it up and I boxed up what was mine. I got a quote from the movers and it was WAY more than I expected (but I have the $$ for it)...still waiting on more details from them. The realtor is coming by today to talk about listing the house. Now H isn't sure if he wants to stay here or try to sell, has offered to buy me out (great news, right? why does that make me feel bad when it's what is right and what I want??). The whole weekend is full of tension, sadness, anxiety, and here I am AGAIN wondering if I'm doing the right thing by leaving. God I hate this rollercoaster. I can't stay, I know that. It's not healthy, the trust is gone, I know he won't change, if I stay I'll just resent him....gaaahhh!! This is SO hard. Yesterday I was extremely angry, today I am anxious and sad. Thankfully tomorrow I see my counselor. I feel like I'm on the edge of losing it and wonder if/when I'll ever feel normal again. It's too early to call my friends back home for reassurance that I'm doing the right thing. Words of wisdom....support...help...please....and thank you....ugh.