Do we become overly sceptical?
Perhaps with good reason, I think. Still I would like to try to see good and hope and not just be jaded with suspicions...
You may recall that when my AW (who is making some sort of Half-Hearted Attempt at Recovery HHAAR?) just returned from raising hell in her home island.
She came home to the cold reality that I had taken a rental house 20 miles away. That was a week ago.
Through my own recovery work in SR and Al-Anon as well as the aftercare in attend from her last treatment I finally feel detached. I have not said a single controlling thing to her. I am convinced I don’t care if she starts drinking again as we have a nice barrier.
This last week she has been an angel, of course, cooking us a dinner to take home each night, school lunches made for when we pass in the morning, desperately trying (too hard as it happens) to reconcile with 16yr old daughter (who is softening).
We have had a fantastic week together during the day and I am enjoying her without feeling responsible for her outcomes. I genuinely feel if she derails today, I can be disappointed and get on with life, there will be no devastation, just gratitude for what we had that day.
She claims she wants her family back. A week of sobriety, sure impressive, but not new. Is it a mega quack?
I know she wants her car back but has stopped asking after I told her that if she insists I give it back before I think she’s ready, I will have to tip off the cops (this is controlling but we have been through this one on SR already: public safety versus controlling)
Anyway I am going along with it for now, one day at a time, enjoying the good bits. From her attitudes I still see the odd bit of stinking thinking, she is cleverly aware of how to portray recovery but sometimes I see flaws which make me think it is put on for show. I avoid at all costs lecturing her about it, and his is liberating. Think, Think, Think.
She has accepted we won’t be living there until the school year ends June at the earliest, so we shall see if she can keep it up.
Thanks for listening. (BTW: Great surf in western ireland this week!)
Reef