Hello Rose,
Now... what was the backsliding part? This looks like a boy-howdy-go-Rose moment to me! You're up to "I want something back". Let's go all the way home. You DESERVE something back. Now don't get all tied up in knots about expectations. Knowing you are worthy has little to do with figuring on getting. But it's where we start looking at fairness. IF you get nothing back, WHY should you give so much? You know you can't expect your lump of a husband to take care of you. So the only way to make the situation equitable is to change yourself. You can stop giving so much.
Now... about your lack of community. That's in your capacity to change, too. I say this about every three months and nobody ever comes back and says they did it but GO VOLUNTEER AT YOUR LOCAL COMMUNITY THEATRE. You don't have to know how to do anything. You can audition to be in a show or you can work on sets or lights or costumes or props or box office. Willing hands are trainable. And you will be a part of something. It's instant, and so is the company. And most generally fun. And it will give you something to think about and serve besides the slothful sponge at home. C'mon Rose!
And if you don't like my idea- HEY PEANUT GALLERY!!!!! What can Rose do to jazz up her life and meet new fun people???? Please chime in.
Hugs,
Smoke