This is a very interesting topic. Sometimes I call it "ILL vs. EVIL" -- in other words, is my AW a sick person with no control or accountability for their behavior, or is she morally (deliberately) rebellious? Is she lying, cheating, car-wrecking, and destroying herself on purpose? Or does she get a free pass, because she has an illness called alcoholism? Her fault? Or not her fault?
Wow, those are some loaded questions which I have been asking myself for a decade.
What I think about illness: 1) the medical and psychological establishment PURPOSELY calls it an illness, that way it is covered by health insurance and they can get $$$. They TOTALLY want it to be a disease. 100% disease. So whenever you hear a doctor, shrink, or other medical "expert" calling it a that -- keep in mind that these are people would not get paid if it were simply a moral shortcoming; 2) it is called an illness because AA and Al-Anon call it that -- it is part of their model, and it makes the A feel better, and it also makes the Codie feel better too. And it works! Looking at it like a disease makes me more sympathetic, and I personally feel it is easier to detach with love when looking at it this way.
Why I call it evil (or moral failure, or shortcoming, or whatever): 1) AW is sober in the morning when she picks up the daily vodka bottle even though she knows it's wrong / kiling her / destroying our marriage; 2) she knows better, which is confirmed by her own conscience. She just says, screw it, I don't care, pass the bottle!
For my part, concerning my AW, I think it is about 30% illness and 70% evil. Just my opinion. And NO ONE gets more than 50% illness. Screw that. So it's partly illness, fine, but less than 50% illness and mostly EVIL.
I would love to hear what some other people think about this.
But getting back to your original point Alone22 -- a married person would not leave their spouse if they caught a cold, got cancer, needed surgery, or had any other pure "disease". I have often thought about my vows, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse -- and I used those vows to stick around for 16 years. But then AW really went crazy and started cheating on me. Is that part of her illness? NO WAY. No blanking way.
Great topic.
Blessings!