HFA and detachment
Okay I need help on this one to better understand what I need to do for me. I get the idea of detachment, which means to let the A feel the consequences of the choices they make. Let them handle their problem(s). If we don't it is hard for them to see or understand the harm they are doing.
I am married to a HFA and the only thing he is harming is our family(mostly our marriage) and his health. I am finding for me to detach I am having to emotionally pull away from him no matter what he is like. AH is horrible only part of the time, just plain disconnected a lot of the time, but part of the time he is a rational, loving person. I find it hard to stay detached when he is being the loving, kind husband I want him to be (which by the way I think could be happening to manipulate me into thinking he is getting the bigger picture so that he can continue to sneak and drink). Do I just stay emotionally distant from him no matter what? When would I stop doing it? ( I would like to think that perhaps someday he will stop for good and put his family and himself before the alcohol.) How will I ever know the recovery is real?
He has been trying to get sober and stay sober for over 8 years now. He will go to AA, seem to take it very seriously, go to counseling, but yet I don't think he is any closer to quitting than he was years ago. Makes me think the consequences have not been great enough, but short of me leaving him will they ever be?
Am I detaching from my HFAH correctly? This feels awkward to stay married because it is not bad enough for me to leave, but to be so emotionally distant from him and still go about daily life. How do you smile and chat with someone you are emotionally distant from? How do I make this okay?
Help!