I'm trying to act my way into right thinking. I'm going to al-anon, im reading books- three right now (Drinking: A Love Story, Codependence No More, and I think there's another one), reading here incessantly- probably obsessively, going to marriage and family therapy with ABF, communicating with ABF, praying for patience for him (his "recovery," 3 weeks sober, is not on my timeline, which I know, but have trouble accepting) and praying for patience for myself while knowing that this will all play out in its own time, talking to my friends, and family... I'm making connections and having insights... but damn, the thinking, is just so toxic. It scary, and its hard, and it hurts.