Well I wanted to be 'OK' with my xah's discomfort etc. I wanted to not feel terrible (guilty, responsible, afraid, mad, physically sick, afraid, unsure, worried, afraid, wrong) when he was in such a dark place as I went about doing the right thing for myself and my children. I thought a lot about that. I did not want to act until I worked through that.
When I finally started acting (by doing the next right thing), despite those feelings, I eventually got it. I was able to separate my feelings from his. His feelings stayed over their with him and I had my own. I couldn't get there until I walked there first though.