I get the same feeling about the van. I work in insurance and handle claims regularly. If he paid cash there would be no lien card. That being said, even if there is a lien somewhere, his name would still have to be on the title to have any interest other than the payment in the vehicle. They sound manipulative........you can contact the DMV. They can search the VIN and see if there is any lien out there attached to it.
I feel that staying in the alcoholic marriage is even more dangerous when the family is in denial. They almost seem to be in that mob mentality-attack mode. God knows what all he is saying to them. This sounds like it could get pretty nasty....but keep your head on straight (which it is, I believe. your post is very coherent
) so don't let them make you feel crazy. You sound just fine to me. My judgement isn't always correct, OBVIOUSLY, or I wouldn't need this site, but if he is saying you are moving out then I think you should take the opportunity and do just that. I am sure that this isn't the life you want for you or your kids. It can only go up from here.......I know, I have been there.
Good luck and keep posting and reading.
M