I've thought for two days how or if I should respond to your post Lilly...it's so powerful and has been on my mind.
The only things I'd like to share is that I will be praying for you and your family and I think, to some degree, Al-Anon played a part in saving my life (my mom went and it helped give her the strength that she needed to leave me alone so that I could find mine - I hope the same proves true for you.).
Take good care of you.