Old 03-04-2011, 09:23 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
wanttobehealthy
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
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I'll add my two cents which is this:

I think the fact that he felt so badly about his lying that he came clean, and that he wants so much to get help that he is the one pursuing rehab, therapy etc... is something very very unique around here.

My experience (and based on reading the AA Big Book, is I believe a common experience) is that alcoholics continue to lie, resist treatment, con themselves and everyone around them for a long time (some forever). Sometimes they find a desire to seek help, often those around them plead that they get help and it's a cycle...

If you want to continue the relationship, do so knowing that you are dating-- you aren't married and so if it gets to a point that it is not working for you, you can more easily walk away (not emotionally easier-- just pragmatically easier).

I'm learning the hard way that sobriety does not equal recovery. It may be that when he stops drinking, a lot of the same behaviors that went on when he was drinking (lying etc...) continue (or get worse). I've been attending al anon and I really, really wish someone had given me a heads up (so I am paying it fwd and trying to do so for you) that sobriety is not going to resolve the problems your boyfriend has. Alcoholism is a disease of the mind and one can stop drinking and still have a sick mind and still act like an alcoholic whether or not they ever touch another drop of alcohol.

I really do hope for you and your boyfriend that he is sincere and wants to recover and will do the work necessary for that to happen. It will be something he will need to work on every single day, consciously for the rest of his life...

Maybe while he is in rehab, you could find an al anon mtg around you and talk face to face with others as well as coming on here? I've found both to be helpful/supportive in different ways.
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