Originally Posted by
Helenlee 
Hi & welcome Wanttobehealthy.
Your story is similar to mine & my experience has been that once you start to awaken hold onto your hat. As you're already finding, there is enormous pressure from everyone to step back into the old dance. It will take everything you've got not to do that. When your internal compass was messed up in childhood so that North is South & East is West & hot is cold & day is night & torture is fun & really horrible weird stuff is normal - it takes a Herculean effort to untangle the past before you can even start on the current problems. Please don't ditch this forum, no matter how challenging or confronting or even sometimes rude the responses may be. To find your way out of this nightmare you'll need to gather all the resources you can. You're obviously intelligent & you sound like you've got a pretty good handle on reality. If you can find an excellent therapist, that will be an invaluable asset. Good luck with your journey.
Helen
Thanks so much Helen.... Hold on to my hat is just how I've felt and it's been 8 or so months since I started in therapy. My therapist is very good and challenges me (harshly at times but it's okay) but I have been thinking lately that I might need someone who can let me go back and revisit the past bc in order to get past it I think I have to address it, you know?
Sometimes I feel like my mind will explode with all that is swirling around. I am trying to find healthy ways to live today, with an alcoholic husband, but I feel stuck at the age my daughters are to a certain degree in that I never learned any skills to deal with hurt feelings other than to stuff them deep inside, and I never felt I had a right to say I was hurt since the few times I did/have recently I am told I caused the event that hurt me or that it is all in my head. Trying to wrap my head around what is and isn't real is quite overwhelming.
I will keep coming back bc reading others threads and reading on the alcoholic board is really helping me understand...