Just found out my boyfriend is an alcoholic, what do I do?
Hi all,
I'm new to SR, and to essentially everything related to alcoholism (so please forgive if I do something wrong or say something stupid!). Two weeks ago, my boyfriend told me he was an alcoholic. We've been together for two and half years now. About half a year ago, we started dating long distance. At first it was about a month without seeing each other, then he moved closer so we saw each other once to three times a month, on weekends. It was right at the beginning of that month that he started drinking heavily (I know this for a fact because we lived together in college dorms before that and he was always with me). He'd drink maybe a fifth in two days, and it continued throughout our long distance for the past half year. Two weeks ago, when I reprimanded him about something small that he forgot to do, he came clean about his drinking.
He told me he came clean because the guilt of lying to me was killing him, and that he knew if he didn't get help alcohol would destroy his life. I've never dealt with anything alcoholism related in my entire life (no alcoholic parents, relatives, friends, anything), so I was completely shocked and lost. At the urge of a mutual friend, that same day he came clean to me, he went to see a counselor, and after two days of thinking things over, he decided to go into a 30-day residential recovery program, which he's been in for the past week and a half.
Since then, I've been spending a lot of time reading the SR forums, and I've learned a lot. On top of stuff directly related to recovering alcoholics, I've read a lot about SO's of alcoholics having to deal with codependency issues and trying to fix their lives that were significantly damaged by their AH's or ABF's, and it all sounds like just an awful, awful experience to go through.
So my question is this: putting his recovery, his success, and his future sobriety (however long it may be) all aside, should I just get out of this relationship while I can still save myself? I do love him, and I know that he loves me very much, and that he's doing everything he can to make this work, but at the same time, I've read so many stories involving failed relationships with alcoholics that it's really making me doubt whether I should invest more into this relationship with him.
Please help! Any advice would be appreciated!