recovering ABF relationship drama
Hi Everyone
Background:
My boyfriend is currently in recovery (2 weeks sober) and doing really well. He seems like his old self again. He is going to meetings every day, praying again, attending mass on sunday, reconnected with his sponsor and things seem bright.
In the past five months he lost 3 jobs after going on 3 to 5 day binges and not showing up to work. Each of these began after his XGF and mother to his daughter (5 years old) did something to purposely hurt him. Examples would be breaking into his email accounts, emailing everyone in his contact list that he is a bad father and abandoned his family, etc etc. She also threatened to kill me and hurt herself, keep him from seeing his daughter and every other ploy imaginable to guilt him and cause him stress. I know these things happen all of the time, but she knew his emotional weakness and recent relapses would probably push him into another relapse and keep him from recovery.
She just wrote him a letter that was threatening him again, saying that if he doesn't move back with her she will make sure their daughter knows, as she grows up, that her father abandoned her and her mother for another woman and that he will never have a good relationship his daughter. (The XGF had broken up with him and he was single when I met him just to clear up any questions as to what their relationship was when ours' started).
He knows what he needs to do to be sober, he was in recovery for almost two years before all of this drama started and he relapsed, and currently he is committed and optimistic.
My question:
I have read a lot of threads on this site that say that alcoholics don't drink because of stress, they drink because they are alcoholics. But why then do these instances always push him to drink?
Also, why would his XGF who knows of his addiction continue to do these things? I know sometimes people do things when they are hurt but the continual harassment and guilt has been non stop since November. Non-Stop. His last relapse landed him in the hospital because he was having suicidal thoughts.
I'd really appreciate any advice especially if you have been in a similar situation. So far I try to stay out of their drama and I tell him that as long as he is in recovery I will be here for him but I will not stay in a relationship with an active alcoholic.
At this point, I just pray a lot.