Hi, Alone! I am also a stay-at-home mom married to a HFA...I am fairly new here too and have been mulling over the same things...return to the workforce or stick it out at least a bit longer? My situation is complicated a bit by the fact that my husband recently moved out of state for a new job, so it feels more like a natural crossroads...a time when I could more easily make the break if I feel like that is the best direction right now. Many things enter into the equation and no one else can tell you what to do. I have decided to move with him, at least temporarily. Here are my reasons:
1. He is not violent, and I am not fearful for myself or the children. A change is this fact would be a dealbreaker;
2. If we sell the house, I can use the money we come away with to pay off the debt that is in my name, leaving me debt-free when and if I choose to leave;
3. I can continue to stay home with my children a while longer (they are 8 and 5)...this is completely doable right now in that they are completely unaware of his drinking;
4. He makes enough money that my financial future is much brighter if we stay together; however, if he gets to the point that he is unable to maintain a job and/or pay off the remainder of our debt, I will leave and take matters into my own hands. I am willing to give this up to about a year to ascertain whether we're headed in the appropriate direction in that regard; and,
5. I have educated myself about the disease process of alcoholism and understand detachment...now, I realize it may not be extremely easy to implement, but at least I UNDERSTAND the problem now and what I need to do to make living with him manageable...I was sucking at this before I found this site.
These are the basics, although other things enter in as well, and I have been making other plans in the event I have to leave. I hope you don't feel like I'm hijacking your thread here...I just wanted to share with you some of the things I have been thinking through, being in a similar situation. But as much as all alcoholics are alike, no one's situation is EXACTLY like yours, and only you can decide what is best for you and your children. That's why they say take what you want and leave the rest. Keep coming back here, girl...the people here have been through so much and have so much wisdom to share. Just finally understanding and acknowledging that I am powerless to help him has been like an enormous weight lifted off my shoulders...I don't have to worry about it anymore unless he crosses one of MY boundaries...I am already feeling more peaceful and free from the nonsense!