Originally Posted by
wanttobehealthy 
I know it is not a good environment for them and yet I am here. What kind of mother does that make me is a question I ask myself a lot lately.
I have a therapist and face to face support at a weekly al anon mtg but am back to worrying about leaving the house with the girls in bed and my husband there alone bc if he gets drunk and I am not around and the girls need something, they will get ignored.
The kind of mother who is actively considering and sorting her options. I know that it is not as easy as just saying "goodbye, it's over." It takes a long time and the absence of all hope for the family you wanted to have before you will leave. So the sooner you realize that the family you have now is already NOT the family you want (can't leave your children with him was a breaking point for me in my marriage), the easier it will be to let go of the dream.
You have to find a way to keep getting the support you need - this is what they mean by putting yourself first - so that may be a lunchtime meeting, a babysitter, an hour for your girls at a friend's house, family?
I know it's hard, just don't let guilt and fear keep you from doing your best clear thinking. You are a great mom or you wouldn't be concerned. The question is how long do you want to keep doing this and how many more of YOUR activities do you want to cut back on because he isn't trustworthy as a care provider for your girls? (I say this because it will creep up on you. I know women who won't go out at night because they essentially have to babysit their husbands).