Thank you all for your support and words of wisdom! I'm so glad I found this site - I'm alone here with no friends/family (except his and they're not really speaking to me now). My friends/family are three time zones behind so contacting them when I can speak freely is difficult. Besides, I hate to keep dumping on them! They know I'm scared and sad and overwhelmed...they just want me back home
. Lexie - our stories are VERY similar! I'm going back to my old job too...I'm so grateful for that. Actually, I have a lot to be grateful for. I need to remember those things and start doing my gratitude list again each night.
No, I don't want to stay. I looked back at some of the things I'd journaled over the past couple years to find I have been feeling the EXACT same way I am now - no change. Why keep putting myself through the misery? What makes me sad are the dreams I had, the life I thought we'd have together, the life that never really was or could be what I thought. His betrayal and deceit cut me to the core - then I get angry. This has been a hard lesson learned.
Meanwhile, after posting last night I abandoned the books and attacked a few things in the garage. It's amazing the stuff we accumulate and keep! I got rid of a bunch, and tackled the laundry room this morning. I feel like I accomplished a lot. Maybe I'll hit the basement this morning and go through some Christmas boxes too. One thing, one step, one breath at a time. So yeah, I have time and I can take things one room, one closet at a time. The books...some I will take, most I will get rid of - there is always the library and I was thinking of getting a Kindle too when I get home.
I think my brother is willing to fly down and make the cross-country drive with me - I know I could do it alone but having some company would be great, plus he's a lot of fun. I was envisioning crying myself down the interstate the whole way, which is kinda scary! He's not much into mushy stuff or talking about feelings and would make it a much more light-hearted trip. We'll be on the road to happy destiny and peace of mind. I can't wait.
After the garage I took a hot bubble bath, made some popcorn and watched the Charlie Sheen interview (that in itself made me feel better about my life!). Husband had a business dinner and got home late - nice to have the house to myself. He'll be home late again tonight, if he actually goes to his counseling appointment (I hope he does, but that's his gig and not my problem to worry about).
