Before I started with Al-Anon, I did the happy dance when my A was scheduled for rehab after a really bad binge. The dance didn't last too long as he relapsed THREE DAYS before he was scheduled to go - it took another 8 weeks to get him back in there. During that time, I worried each and every hour of the day whether he would make it back to rehab and it made my life a living hell.
Keep in mind at the time, we lived on opposite sides of the country and the loss of control and helplessness was aggravated by the distance between us. The happy dance quickly turned to the dance of anger when he relapsed and what trust I had evaporated pretty darned quickly. I got very angry at him, at anyone else who happened to be close by and I was angry with myself for believing him yet again that this time would be different.
I started Al-Anon and it was the best thing possible - took the focus of of him and turned it to me and helped me realize that I had no control (no matter what the physical distance was between us) over his drinking, whether he made it to rehab or relapsed before or after.
It has not been an easy road ( I did move to be with him) and after each relapse when we were living together, I lost a little more anger as I slowly relinquished the control that his drinking had over me.
Like dancingnow, I don't do a happy dance now where ABF's sobriety is concerned-it's his thing to deal with and to be honest, while I am cautiously optimistic, I'm still not 100% sure this will be "the time."
Does not mean we don't have a good relationship-we do, I look at each day as a gift both for me in my recovery and him in his sobriety.
My serenity and happiness are mine to work on and to keep, while ABF's sobriety is his and in spite of the elephant in the room, we respect each other,s choices and make our life together work.