I agree with Tuffgirl that you are not connecting/recognizing your feelings.
In addition to that, he is not connecting with his own real sober feelings.
Which means the two of you are probably failing at emotionally connecting with each other, because with the two above things going on--how could it be any different?
Listen, you know something is wrong. Normal people drink socially, or ocassionally at home, but not every night.
When someone drinks everyday, they are escaping reality. You want to know why in the world he wants to escape reality. I know that your lives are perfect, but nobody's are, so forget that excuse.
When someone drinks everyday--they don't connect with you. When that person is a partner, it really hurts. How often is he grounded in reality? How often is he saying--so how are WE today? How often is his thought processes that of a sober partner working toward a better life together, as we all do? How often is he connecting emotionally with you at all? You feel the disconnect emotionally! You haven't put words to the feeling yet, but you sure are feeling it.
Your partner is not grounded in reality nor present in the moment with you. I know what it feels like--as if there is someone in the room that is on another planet--and they are.
Listen to your heart. It's telling you that he's not with you, not with reality, and not in the present, and not in normal thinking patterns.
You don't need to be abused, he can be generous and all the things you stated--but you still know that something is off, and you know exactly what it is.