Rather than believe that my psychologist got confused and didn't realize that where my insurance was concerned he fell into the "specialist" category - with the lower co-pay - I had a gut reaction that he was charging me extra to pad his own pockets or some such nonsense.
This is fascinating to me.
I'm working with a life-long criminal right now, helping him start a legitimate business. STaring the business is the easy part. Helping someone change life long criminal habits-in the way he thinks-is the real trick.
He assumes everyone is out to rob him. Convincing him to drop his expectation that he can trust no one is daunting, to say the least.
I taught him a mantra that I use when experiencing mistrust and fear, "I experience love wherever I go. Riches of all sorts are drawn to me."
The more I learn about him, the more I understand him. His mother was a petty criminal, she raised him and taught him how to mistrust. Told him outright he can't trust anyone.
Dysfunctional families do that. My family was so abusive, yet I was told over and over again, "you'll never have anyone but your family." How sick. You can't escape. You only have us.
And then if you speak up about it,,they use any number of tactics to get you to drop it, because in the end you know you'll never win.
My father has the rest of my family convinced I'm crazy, and that he was afraid of me.
And whenevr. I talk about real issues with my AH he tells his family that I'm putting a strain on our relationship
!
Star, I had to go NC with my father for about two years. Since, I've made my boundaries very clear and he complies. It's bizarre. He's still drinking, but married a church going woman. She's done something to slap him out of his abusive stupor, I dont' know what. Doesn't matter, all that matters is he treats me according to what I will accept and what I won't. I shape that relationship differently than I used to.
I use to allow my father to be horribly abusive. I took it or raged at him. Being emotional gave him the ability to treat me like I am the problem. I handed him that ammunition to shoot at me.
Sorry to go crazy on your thread. I've just been thinking about trust issues and family of origin stuff.
YOu'll sort it out, keep being honest with yourself and reaching out for help. The right tools will come to you.